One of the biggest and important concepts that I have learned from Seth Godin over years is that once seen, they can’t be unseen.
I was used to be unseen. I think it might be true that we all were at some point in our lives. The tough time for me were years after Sebastian was born, then later Remi was born. I was tired, stressed out and lonely without any support from our family since they all live far away. Being unseen became normal. Even I couldn’t see myself, what I was like in my explore-as-I-go mom life.
When Remi was just over a year old, I accompanied Sebastian to this big event at his school. The building was filled with people, but I felt so lonely and went through the entire event without talking to anybody. Walking back to the car, Sebastian held out his hand to hold mine. All I could remember about that moment was how much I appreciated him simply because he saw me. Deep down inside, I didn’t want to be forgotten, unseen and feel that I didn’t matter.
Life went on like this until I joined the marketing leader and bestselling author Seth Godin’s online community where everyone was set up for success and being seen by the others.
Slowly, members would ask about my thoughts, gave me feedbacks, cheer me on when I had a small win, and even opened up to me with their own stories. The more I interacted with the others, the happier and more confident I became. More importantly, little by little I found myself again. It was the people in the community who saw me and helped me see myself: what I think, what I like, and what I truly believe. The experience was so amazing that eventually I made the decision to pay it forward: helping more people build communities like this so they can help even more people thrive on their journeys ahead.
These two stories are about my personal transformation and the role that community played in this process.
The nurturing environment and a culture that emphasize generosity was a huge contributor in bringing out the best of me to be seen, grow, collaborate and see the others, the beautiful cycle.
We all need a community like this to lean in and help each other move forward. However, we also see communities that are struggling with bringing people together, that can barely build consensus among members, not to mention make a change. Members are generally feeling unseen, unheard, disoriented and under appreciated because the leadership believe that as long as people joined a group, it can be called community. And that’s not the case.
According to Charles Vogl in his book, the Art of Community, a group of individuals who share a mutual concern for one another’s welfare is called community.
It emphasizes the strong social connectedness. When the concern for each other doesn’t exist in the group, it is not a community. In other words, when an individual doesn’t feel that he or she is seen, heard and cared by the others, a community doesn’t really exist for this person. When it is a collective feeling among people, then the community is in fact a group.
The community-turned-into-group is often seen among some organizations that have long standing histories. When founders first started the organization and community with a purpose and strong belief that reflected the needs back in the time. Over a long period of time, situations gradually changed, so are the leaders. Some leaders care about redefining the purposes and values to reflect the change, others may not see the necessity of doing so or value it as much.
When the purpose and values are no longer serving people or aligned with the goals in the current situation, it creates disconnections. These disconnections may progress in a very subtle way, but eventually every member feels the chill. More importantly, the community becomes irrelevant and is out of touch in the larger society: not solving any problems nor rallying people around like it used to be.
In this forever-changing world, staying relevant and being in touch with people is the key for communities to thrive. Refreshing the purpose, values and making necessary changes should always be the top priority for the leadership team in building a community that aims for loyalty and the sense of belonging.
